Jizz in My Pants
by freaky-hanyou
Summary: If you've seen this YouTube video, you'll know what this is about... One shot! AkuRoku!


OMG. HI. So I'm really busy and its one in the morning and I don't care and I have about 300 other ffs I should be writing but holy hell this one hit me like a _lightning bolt_ about a week ago and ive had no time to write it so im going to take this moment to spread the hilarity that has been dominating my brain. XD I'm not even going to explain it. HERE WE GO!

But make sure you've seen the YouTube video with the same title first, because you'll just think I'm crazy(er) if you don't.

**Jizz in My Pants**

"_Duck!"_

Axel promptly dropped to the ground at Roxas' shout as a medley of spells zoomed over his head. They had been exploring Wonderland in a newly discovered forest when they had been attacked by a strange new magical Heartless.

"Jeez, aren't they ever going to give up?" Axel complained as he shot to his feet to throw his chakrams at a few more of the strange Heartless.

"You know that these Heartless are persistent—_Watch out already!"_ Roxas shouted as he pushed Axel behind a tree, dodging yet another spell. "Would you pay attention for once? We don't know what these Heartless do?"

"I AM being careful!" Axel argued as they continued to fight. "You're just being overprotective—" Axel's statement was cut off as he was hit square in the chest with a blue light. He few back, landing softly (read: at backbreaking force) against a tree trunk.

"_Axel!"_ Roxas cried, finishing off the Heartless he was attacking. He moved towards him, only to be cut off by more. "Will you go away already!?" he said, summoning his second keyblade and making short work of the rest. Once the field was clear, Roxas ran to Axel's side. Axel groaned and shook his head, holding his temple.

"Ow…what the fuck did I hit?" He turned around. "Ah. A tree would explain the exploding pain…"

"Axel are you alright," Roxas asked as he helped him up. "You got hit by a spell!"

Axel stood up and felt his face, chest, legs, and crotch before nodding his assurance. "I'm alright. Nothings different. I'm perfectly fine!"

----------((Riiiiiight.))----------

Axel was _not _fine.

Axel looked up from his dinner at Roxas across the table, winking suggestively. Normally Roxas would roll his eyes and continue to eat his dinner, peacefully ignoring him, but today the world seemed to be on his side because Roxas blushed and quickly looked down at his food. Axel raised an eyebrow. _Hmmm…I could get something out of this._ Before he could contemplate his next advancement, Roxas looked up, lips pouted slightly, and gave him a slight wink and a nod before continuing to eat.

Axel shifted uncomfortably in his seat. _Did he just--! I've never found that so…hot before. _Axel quickly made short work of his own dinner before giving Roxas the eye to follow him to his bedroom. Roxas soon excused himself as well and walked down the hallway, not even bothering to knock before entering the room.

Axel pushed Roxas back against the door as soon as it shut, running his hands up and down his chest. Roxas quickly followed suit, running his hands up and down Axel's back before travelling lower.

"More," he whispered throatily into Axel's ear.

_!!!_

Axel abruptly jumped back, stunned. Roxas stared back at him, confused.

"Axel…? Is something wrong?"

"No!" Axel said, trying to cover himself, "I mean, not really, I just…I have to go," he said, quickly exiting his room.

Roxas stared at the closed door, stunned. _Axel has never turned me down before. Something is wrong. _He resolved to wait for Axel's return, and sat down on his bed.

--------((To Axel!))---------

_Ohmygodohmygodohmygod did I really just do that? _Axel thought to himself as he cleaned up his…mess in the bathroom. _He barely touched me! What is wrong with me?_ He finished up before taking a few deep breaths and returning to his room.

"Axel, what's wrong?" Roxas asked, concerned when Axel came back.

"Nothing," he replied, but made no move to continue what they were doing.

"Of course there is," Roxas said, "Tell me."

"Well…." Axel said, sitting down next to Roxas, "When you touched me I…" he stopped, unable to voice his actions.

"What?" Roxas asked, confused. Axel deadpanned before pointed at his wet crotch.

Roxas started laughing. "Really? I didn't even _do_ anything!"

Axel turned bright red. "Shut up! I know! I don't understand it!"

Roxas paused to breathe. "Well…I guess we could watch a movie?"

Axel reluctantly agreed before letting Roxas pick out a movie. As _The Sixth Sense_ began to play, and Roxas slowly and tentatively fell into Axel's embrace, Axel muttered, "This sucks."

Roxas snorted. "It is not the end of the world when you can't control yourself. Watch the movie, Mr. Self-Cockblocker."

--------((movie plays))-----

_!!!_

At the end of the movie, Roxas stood up to kiss Axel goodnight before going to his bedroom. He felt a wet spot on his back. He looked in disbelief at Axel, who turned bright red.

Roxas shook his head in disbelief and laughed all the way to his bedroom.

---------((poor Axel))----------

The next morning Axel walked into the cafeteria for breakfast.

"Good morning Axel," Roxas said as he sat down and reached for the pancakes.

_!!!_

Axel stood up and promptly returned to his bedroom.

-------((bahahaha))------

Roxas only felt slightly bad at Axel's predicament. _It serves him right for being such a horny bastard all the time, _he thought to himself as he moved to leave the cafeteria. He stopped before passing the kitchen, pondering. _I'll at least bring him a snack. _

-----((Axel))----

Axel went back to his bedroom to change his pants. Again.

_This is ridiculous,_ he thought before he heard a knock on the door. Roxas entered, bearing fruit. "I brought you a snack since you couldn't stay for breakfast," he said, snickering.

"You're so kind," Axel muttered sarcastically as he reached for the grapes.

"I like to think I am," Roxas said, waggling his eyebrows and winking as Axel ate a grape.

_!!!_

Axel shook, the bowl of fruit Roxas had given him tumbling to the ground.

"I hate you," Axel muttered before Roxas left him alone, laughing on his way out the door.

Axel then changed his pants. Again.

_I guess I'll just take a nap,_ he thought darkly, _this can't happen if I'm unconscious. _

He set his alarm for a few hours in the future before lying back down on his bed.

--------((a few hours in the future))-------

Axel rolled over in bed as the clock began to buzz, signaling to him that his nap time was over.

_!!!_

Axel awoke with a start. "What the fuck!?" he exclaimed, "What the hell was I even dreaming about?" Ugh, this isn't fair."

He then changed his pants. Again.

------((aw.))------

Axel found Roxas reading a romance novel in his bedroom. Roxas raised an eyebrow upon Axel's entrance. Axel deliberately looked away.

"I think something's wrong with me," Axel explained.

"Really? What gave you your first clue?" he snorted. "I bet it was that spell in Wonderland. Those Heartless could have done this to you."

Axel steeled himself. "I'm going to have to talk to Vexen aren't I."

Roxas snickered. "Yep."

-----((To the lab!))----

"Vexen?" Axel asked as he came down the stairs to the laboratory.

"One second, Axel—" a strong breeze emitted from a beaker Vexen was working over, pushing him back and making Axel stagger.

_!!!_

"….Hold that thought." Axel said before going back up stairs.

After changing his pants, again, Axel came back downstairs. "Vexen, I think I'm under the spell of a Heartless."

"Really? Vexen said disinterestedly, "Which kind?"

"I'm not entirely sure. It was one of the new ones from Wonderland that Roxas and I ran into the other day…"

"Oh, well, what does it do?" Vexen said, turning from his work to stare at him.

Axel steeled himself. "It causes….unfavorable reactions at…inappropriate times of the day."

"How unfavorable?"

"I _jizz in my pants when stupid shit happens okay?!"_ he all but shouted, face bright red.

"Oh is that all," Vexen said, reaching for one of his test tubes, "and here I thought it was something interesting. This should fix it," he explained.

Axel stared at him before he took the test tube that was proffered. "You've had this problem before?"

"Marluxia takes these twice a day. Without them, there's no _way _we could---" he cleared his throat, as if realizing Axel was still in the room. "You may go."

"Thanks," Axel managed before running up the stairs, laughing.

-------------((END!))----------

Oh I love it. Leave me something dears!

~freaky-hanyou


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